It would appear that my life, my own ‘road map’ as they are now referred to, had been pre ordained right from the off. When you look at the instances along the way that have ‘conspired’ to put me where I currently sit, I can see the logic. Those who have attended my initial talk will know exactly where I am coming from. I never planned anything, there wasn’t a grand scheme or objective other than I knew my working life would be something more art based than science. What I can’t deny is that, my ‘journey’ or whatever you wish to label it, ‘seemed’ to happen with a few definitive indicators along the way. I am not complaining because so far it has been a truly unique experience. When I say unique I mean in its truest sense of the word. No one has been down the route I have taken and I feel lucky and honoured that it has been that way. Some will argue against the apparent ‘haphazard’ coincidences that caused it but others will say, “it all depends upon your perspective.'“
What an interesting expression that is because it covers so much about view, thought process, attitudes, cause and effect. So many ‘things’ create our/my/your perspective.
In a few weeks time, I will hopefully attain the ageof 64 or as I refer to it, ‘ the Beatles song.’ It seemed so far off when I first heard it as an 11 year old back in May 1967 and I, like many at that time, was enthralled when they presented new music to us. However, there were those who thought that they, The Beatles, were abhorrent, the antichrist and hated the mere concept of what they were and who they were.
I saw them as young, talented people who produced great music. Others saw them as loud mouth, anti social, over indulgent, lucky musicians who were in the right place, at the right time. I call that and still do call that as misguided, tinged with a hint of jealousy.
Like everything around us, it was and still is all a matter of perspectives.
I still play all their albums to this day. However, looking back now, I can see how they would ‘rub up’ the establishment the wrong way.
As we develop as human beings, becoming enriched with more and more of life, those perspectives we have developed start reshaping our ways and thoughts. Like rust, it never sleeps. I nicked that from Neil Young!
How many times have you heard someone say, “Cant believe it but I am turning into my dad now”…..Why? Because the perspective changes.
My father worked for several of the national dailies and I remember him having to undertake a tour with the Rolling Stones and on another occasion The Beatles. He was working with some great photographers and as well as taking snaps he was also ‘wiring’ images to picture editors. His view was totally changed by what he witnessed at the concerts. He still liked their music but he did say you could barely hear them live because of all the screaming teenagers that filled the theatres. He saw them back stage, first hand and changed his opinion. His perspective was altered.
He brought me photographs of his travels and also autographs that I still treasure. I can look at them now and it takes me straight back to that time along with other memories he created for me with the camera. His camera, where he saw things from his perspective.
I began to see very early on that there was something magical about photography. Cameras and snaps were always ‘there’ and I can honestly not recall a time throughout my life where I have not had a camera close by.
Of course we discount my toddler years but from the age of 4 onwards, I was either in front of my dads lens or being shown, (naturally a little later) how to take a snap on a twin lens reflex Minolta. It would appear then that my life, my own ‘road map’ had been pre ordained right from the off. It certainly seems that way.
Of course some would say “that’s all a matter of perspective Gilly”….
I was sat having a coffee in the garden the other day with my wife Irene and we began reflecting upon the past few months of lockdown and before we knew it, looking a lot further back.
We sat there talking about things that had happened and in some instances recalling how and why they had materialised. Those memories are always mixed for all of us but when accompanied with a photograph they can really stir emotions. You also see things that you had forgotten.
“Do you remember that……. I know there is a photo of it..…” and then I was off …
Images invoke memories. Good and not so good.
Eventually the conversation lead us back to present day, something that I have been reluctant to expand upon recently but I knew I would sooner rather than later because from a personal perspective, our family has just gone through a roller coaster of emotions.
Before this lockdown began, I was aware that my father only had several months to live due to Acute Myeloid Leukaemia. Having lost my mum just last May, I never thought that I would lose both of them within a twelve month period.
After mums passing, we had decided to give my dad, my hero by the way, a great few years as the dementia my mother had suffered was very wearing upon him. Sadly a man with a brilliant mind had his life taken away cruelly by a blood cancer that destroyed him physically. It was awful to watch such a proud and lovely man be taken this way. As it is incurable we would still have lost him in a ‘normal’ world but this is not a normal time as we know.
The pandemic simply got in the way and removed what would have been a sense of normality towards the end of his life, as we as a family were denied access to him in his final weeks. Fortunately, my dad wanted to come home and we had just a couple of days with him at the end. It was an honour and a privilege to hold his hand as he slipped from this world and we are all still trying to grasp the enormity of what has happened. It is still raw as you would imagine.
I know that many out there and some of you reading this will also have gone through awful, terrible times, not just now but in the past. Currently, we are all trying to do our bit (well most of us are….) to curb the spread of Covid-19 but we ‘see’ this terrible, invisible enemy destroying lives forever. For us as a family, it wasn’t the virus that took him but its effect was just as debilitating. Others who have lost loved ones with Covid-19 are not as ‘fortunate’ because they will NOT have been allowed proper access to their loved one at the time they all really needed each other. In that case they could look upon us as ‘fortunate.’
I can see that entirely but it is all a matter of perspectives.
No matter how cold that sounds it is a fact because here we are, families still grieving in our own ways over the loss of a life that meant so much to us. I am devastated by my fathers passing but feel so sorry for those who could not say a proper goodbye.
Obviously you try to make sense of a traumatic event such as this and you look, examine and do your best to assimilate all that has happened. I did and am still trying to sort that out but know it will take time. I keep trying to see everything that has occurred from different view points. None of them will bring him back but we have great fond memories of our times together and I will always be grateful for him putting the camera at the forefront of my mind.
As I sat there drinking that coffee, I was selfishly looking at the situation from my/our perspective. It may seem an odd analogy but virtually everything I do is photographically or image related. How or why do I see ‘that’ in the way I do? I regularly get asked by people I am working with “just how did you see it in that way? I am stood right besides you and would never have envisaged that.”
Isn’t that what we all do? We see ‘it’ from our standpoint and examine what is before us?
My working life as a professional photographer and teacher is completely dominated by perspectives. How I look at things, they way I create what I do and the system of teaching I employ to each individual I meet is based upon my own perspectives on who and what I see. In time, the teaching and my ‘view’ will duly influence theirs. In turn, they will go away and employ their own mark on their work, their perspective on what they do and see when they look through their camera.
So far, I have not been able to do what I love. Namely being out on the mountains ‘in the field’ so to speak, teaching people. I know that many pro’s are in that same situation and I empathise with them. It seems such a long, long time ago since we entered lockdown and the days that we now find ourselves filling time have become ‘the norm.’
In real terms, it is only a matter of weeks but because the usual way, our usual way, of how we enjoy and live our lives has been removed, makes it feel so much longer. I have not been sat on my backside throughout this time and so far have processed and loaded nigh on 2000 travel and landscape images onto agency sites. I normally do this in increments but a concerted effort, using time I never envisage getting again, should hopefully reap rewards during the coming years. On top of that, my passionate project work at Dinorwic in Snowdonia has now materialised in the first of a series of books about the Slate Quarries. From my perspective of course….
I have always been motivated and grateful to my parents for instilling that in me.
Teaching is as important to me as my own time actually photographing. Surprisingly, I don’t get that much ‘me time’ at all and that may shock some of you but I actually get a great deal of satisfaction in being asked to instruct, guide and help people develop. I have proudly done that for over 40 years now and look forward to many more times ahead.
As we entered this new normality, I had a very full schedule of workshops ahead. For me, the joy of teaching isn’t just about taking a few decent snaps with folk but being able to guide them so that they ‘see’ what is there, then capturing situations that are meaningful to them in a way that they understand and can repeat time and time again. Thats how I see it. My perspective.
It genuinely lifts them, I see it and they tell me. It elevates their spirits and the gratitude they show is fulfilling for my soul too.
Being able to capture those images, those memories allows them to express themselves in a waty that they never envisaged and will give them a different perspective on how they look at things and move forward.
Perspectives again….
We all feel and experience emotions in different ways. Our physical and mental make up dictates that as does the upbringing and life that we lead.
We hear the phrase ‘its all a matter of perspectives’ and whilst that may be true, my view of a situation will be very different from yours.
It is obvious that this lockdown has had a detrimental effect upon people with some far worse than others and whilst the weather helped initially, it isn’t currently as good as it was and coupled with itchy feet, there is a clamber to return to the usual state for all of us.
That’s only natural as we need people and are all creatures of habit. Our lives are made up of contact whether that be for work or social reasons.
For the majority of us this enforced withdrawal has hit home hard. People I have spoken to via zoom online or ‘face to 6 foot away face’ when we have met, have been or appear to be resolute in the face of our ‘incarceration.’ Yet when something detrimental comes along to add to their situation it increases the pressures upon them.
Like any given situation some will cope better than others.
It is very easy for us to say ‘get on with it’ when a fragile individual is already crumbling inside. Again how we/they view the situation, the perspective they adopt will affect their decision making and outcomes.
Perspective is very powerful.
As the lockdown was introduced, I wrote in another blog that that the sounds of normality had changed so quickly with the birds becoming the predominant audio to our day.
As someone who loves the outdoors, I enjoyed that and being lucky enough to live very near to open fields and countryside it is not that unusual for us but this was louder and so much clearer.
Now as the restrictions are loosened the sound of vehicles are returning getting more audible every day. Part of me wants them to stay in the background but we have to return to as near a normality as we can. Sooner rather than later.
To get back to work, school, holidays, the pub, the coffee shop etc and not to have to queue for a loaf of bread would be great and signal that we are ‘there or there about’ in this fight we are in. Many would love that as soon as possible and they would be delighted for that normality to be back.
That is their perspective and I can see that.
Me? I would simply love to go to the mountains without feeling I was invading the places that are untouched and not affecting the lives of those who reside there. I have that much respect for them. I would also love to have my dad simply phone me for chat.
That is my perspective.
Eric Gilligan
01.11.1931 - 18.05.2020